Final Fantasy X: Blue's Clues!
by Golden-Assassin
Summary: Reuploaded! What happens when an evil director forces the cast of FFX to do a tour like the people from Blue's Clues? Hilarity ensures! A full summary and background is inside. Please Read and Review!
1. Welcome to Hell in Theater Form

**Author: **OKAY!! Guess what story is back on ?! That's right! It's time for my really really old story that I wrote in high school! This used to be written in script form, but then the site took it down because it wasn't written properly. So! I'm going to take a stab at writing it regularly, which being the writing genius I am (pfft, haha!) I'm pretty damn sure I can pull it off. However, since this story is pretty much already written and stuff, I probably won't be taking requests for what can happen in this fanfic. I mean, probably, but I used to get a lot of awesome ideas so there are possibilities that I will take your ideas. Uhhh, what else…? I just hope this doesn't get taken down again! **Man, I also hope I pick the right rating for this story, haha!** Ahhh, I'm just so glad to be able to get this story up again! It was really popular a long time ago, and I really hope it gets popular again! Please read my disclaimer/cast list below. Seriously, **read it**.

_**Note: I do NOT own Final Fantasy X or the characters. Squeenix does. Also, I do NOT own Blues Clues or any of the characters. I would, however, like to own Tidus and/or Auron if I could.**_

_**^_^**_

_**Blah, blah, blah, you don't care, do you?**_

_**The ONLY ones I own are Setsuna who is the Director, and the stupid pathetic audience who pays the money and comes to see this stupid show in the first place. Don't you feel sorry for the poor saps? ^_^**_

************

**Cast:**

**Steve (Or Joe. Whichever you choose. It's only the host, so why does it matter?)-** Tidus

**Blue- **Kimarhi (^_^ Lol, get it, he's blue?? LOL, aw screw you guys, I'm going home.)

**Mr. Salt**- Wakka

**Mrs. Pepper**- Lulu

**Magenta**- Yuna

**Pail**- Rikku

**Shovel**- Auron

**Director!!!!**- Setsuna! (Okay, I'll let you know this. This is not the Setsuna from my other story, this is me…uh…like…playing Setsuna. I know it's weird, but just run with it! It was Setsuna in the original writing script, so it's Setsuna here! She just…looks the same. Yeah…)

This story is set on the Tour that's happened in the State's a good while back. Now, I didn't go see it because I wouldn't see it even if you paid me! unless it was a million dollars... ^_^, but I'm doing a story on it anyways. I hope you like it!

**By the way, this story is rated T for Teen by the SSS Corp. (Setsuna Says So) for excessive swearing by Setsuna, sexual themes, or hints of it, whatever it means, and some violence because Setsuna will be beating the shit out of some people a few times in this story.**

********Scene One: Welcome to Hell in Theater Form********

The lights dim in a theater where many families have brought their children to see a live version of the popular television show "Blues' Clues." The kids finally quiet down as the red velvet curtains are pulled back to reveal a cardboard house painted yellow with a red roof. The background has what appears to be actual grass glued, taped, and stapled to a large white canvas that has been painted sky blue with cotton candy…wait, seriously? Wait, wait…yes, that is actual cotton candy, unflavored, somehow attached to the canvas. Suddenly, the cardboard house's door opens up. A man wearing a yellow shirt with darker yellow boxes and khaki pants steps through. With a smile, he closes the door and it falls over. Backstage, the sound of someone smacking their forehead is heard. The man takes five minutes to finally set the house back up. However, after he sets it up, the cardboard house manages to rip n half. The man scratches his head and looks over at the rest of the catch watching him behind the curtain, who erupt into a fit of giggles. He shrugs and then he turns around and steps into the light. The kids cheer, the parents gasp. It wasn't Joe! It was some guy with yellow spiky hair, blue eyes, and…shaved legs? The parents, annoyed already at how bad the production was already going, turn to their programs and began muttering to each other. The actor on stage heard mumbles of "Who the hell is 'Tidus'?"

"Oh look. It's our special friends! Hi, how are you doing?" Tidus waves at the kids in the audience, who keep on cheering. "We're having a special guest over today, aren't we, Blue?"

Tidus turns and looks down at a blue…cat man with a broken horn crouching next to him. Badly attached to him are long floppy ears and a big blue nose. On his hands are large stuffed blue dog paws. He yawns and looks at someone behind the curtain with…puppy dog eyes…on a cat-like man? From the other side of the stage from where the cat-like man is looking, a rolled up paper ball hits him on the side of the head and a loud irritated whisper is heard.

"Kimarhi, I'm paying you, do it right, damnit!"

Kimarhi sighs and turns back to the audience.

"Woof…woof…" he says sarcastically.

Another paper ball gets thrown at him, and yet another whisper.

"KIMARHI, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!"

"Woof! Woof woof woof!" and with that, Kimarhi wags his tail…which is funny because it's like a lion tail and he's playing a dog. (Seriously, who the hell is paying for this crap? Oh, wait! I know!)

Tidus smiles and looks back to the audience, slowly walking closer to the edge of the stage.

"Our friend Magenta's coming over and we're having a surprise birthday party for her! Hey, could you help us set up?"

The kids stand up in their seats and cheer louder. Enthusiastic "Yay!"s are heard. The parents just continue to look at each other, wondering why they paid for this. (I wish I knew, too, parents. I wish I knew, too.)

"Great! Now, come with me and we're going to head into the kitchen to see what Mrs. Salt and Mr. Pepp-"

"Tidus, did you even read the script or watch the show?! It's Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper! Read your damn lines right or I'm going to fire you!!" the voice that whispered earlier speaks again.

"Uh, yeah! Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper! We're going to go see if they're done making the snacks! Yay, let's go!"

Kimarhi leaves the stage, and Tidus turns to his right and starts doing a strange walk. It's not like Joe or Steve's, it's more like what happens when you're playing _Final Fantasy X_ and you constantly tap the button that makes him walk and he does a sort of a skip. (I know, I have too much fun playing that damn game. ^_^ You guys should do it some time, it's very entertaining!) The parents begin showing very concerned faces as their children start imitating him. Behind him, the canvas that had the sky and ground on it appears to be on some sort of wheel pulley system thing as it changes to show a kitchen scene. Stage hands sneak ninja-like onto the stage. They're all dressed in black. They grab the remains of the house and take it to the left and stage hands from the right slide a kitchen counter into its place. They appear to be having a hard time… Tidus finally stops his, uh…skipping? and stands over near the counter.

"Oh Mr. Salt! Mrs. Pepper! Where are you?"

From under/in the counter, strange muffled sounds and slight moans are heard. A few parents are able to wrestle their kids in front of them to place their hands over their ears.

"So uh...does anyone else think they're doing what I think they're doing?"

A woman in the middle of putting large magenta covered ears on her head sticks her head out from the side of the stage.

"They're making Paprika!"

From backstage, a loud burst of laughter erupts. A few parents who don't have a stick up their asses chuckle as well. Backstage, a woman with waist length black hair, golden eyes with a spiral in the right, wearing a red tank top, black skinny jeans and black high heels with a headset and a clipboard in her hand sighs and hits herself in the head with the clipboard.

"Dear, Yevon…after this tour, no! after tonight…I'm going to need some serious therapy…"

Back on stage, Tidus is poking around the counter.

"So, where the hell are you guys?"

The moans and muffled noises stop and suddenly it sounds like someone hit their head on the ceiling…is that what you call the inside of a counter? You guys get the picture.

"Damnit, Wakka, we didn't have as much time as you said we did! They already started!" a woman says.

"Sorry, ya? I'm hurrying up, this salt costume is kinda hard to get back into place, ya?" a man with a Jamaican-like accent thing responds.

Lots of shuffling noises are heard and the counter doors open. A woman wearing a pepper shaker costume with long black braids sticking out of the top and a man wearing a very sloppily replaced salt shaker costume without a topper with a bright orange cowlick, oh wait, now he's putting the topper on, come out from under the counter. Backstage, the woman with the clipboard, who I probably should have mentioned is the director, begins scribbling something on the clipboard: "_Destroy Lulu and Wakka…and hire an entire new cast._" On stage, Wakka-Mr. Salt- turns to Tidus and waves.

"Hey, Joe! What's up, Brudda?"

"You guys are sick…" Tidus whispers, then returns to speaking normally. "So, are you guys all done with the snacks for Magenta's party?"

Wakka looks confused. He picks up a bowl of potato chips off the counter and begins eating them.

"Snacks What snacks, ya?"

Lulu, the woman in the Mrs. Pepper costume, smacks his hand, sending the bowl of potato chips all over the floor.

"Don't mess this up!" she hisses at him. With a fake smile on her face, she turns to Tidus. "No worries, Joe! They're all safely tucked away in the fridge, all ready for the party."

"Well that's great! You guys uhh…stop doing stuff in the counter, and I'm gonna head to the living room… Seriously, you guys need to pay attention to where you guys…make Paprika…whatever the hell that means…"

Tidus turns and begins doing his skip walk, this time to the right. Lulu shakes her head and grabs Wakka and leads him off to the right. The ninja-like stage hands perform their amazing scene change, this time a background of a living room is shown, and they bring in a large red chair. Kimarhi reappears on stage, sitting next to the chair, looking just as unhappy as he was earlier. Tidus turns to him.

"So, Blue. Got a surprise birthday present for Magenta?"

Kimarhi lifts up one of his hands and shows the underside of his attached paw, showing a large blue paw print. Tidus stares at the print for a few minutes.

"Ohhh! Blue wants to give Magenta a high five!"

"Tidus! You have to do the Blue's Clues song thing! Now!" the director screams at him from backstage.

"Oh, okay, so, Blue wants to play Blue's Clues!" Tidus smiles and does the gesture he made at the two girls from the beginning of _FFX_, causing the director to break her clipboard in half. "We're gonna play it to find out what she wants to get Magenta for a present!" He turns and looks at Kimarhi. "Haha, you're playing a girl dog." Kimarhi growls at him. "So, anyway, you kids wanna play?"

Being little kids, they get excited easily, so they begin jumping up and down again, each holding a cardboard paw print on a Popsicle stick.

"So, help me out with the song! To play Blue's Clues we gotta find a-"

"Paw print!" the kids scream.

"No, I think you got it wrong, it's a pen!" Tidus responds proudly.

A flying script is thrown from backstage and hits Tidus on the head and then proceeds to land on the floor. He bends down and picks it up and reads from it, closing it after he reads the line.

"Oh, wait, I guess it is a paw print. Okay, so right! And that's our first-"

"Clue!" the children interrupt again.

"No! It gets you an autograph!"

This time, a note folded football style hits Tidus in the head. The director allows herself to scream 'And it's good for another point!' He picks this up, too, reads it, and then gulps at what it says: _Get it right or you die!- Your Lovely Director, Setsuna ^_~_. He reopens the script and reads the next line, keeping it open just in case he forgets again.

"'A clue?'"

"A CLUE!" the kids shout again.

"Then we put it in our-"

"NOTEBOOK!"

"I think you're wrong again, an autograph goes in a…" he turns and notices a very angry director whose eyes have managed to turn red. "Uhh…yeah, you're right, our notebook. Anyway! 'Cause it's Blue's Clues, Blue's Clues!"

Tidus begins to get into the song. He's started to dance around the stage, throwing his arms around and skipping. Kimarhi is forced to join in, jumping around.

"We gotta find another paw print, that's our second clue! We put it in our notebook, then you know what to do! We sit down-"

Setsuna is pointing at the script Tidus still has in his hand. He looks down and reads from it again and looks sheepish.

"I mean, we gotta find the last paw print, that's out third clue! THEN we put it in our notebook and well, you know what to do!"

The kids are still dancing in their seats. Some of the parents have gotten into it as well, of course, not as enthusiastic as their children, but it shows some signs of acceptance. Tidus, on the other hand, has stopped dancing. He is currently standing in the middle of the stage with a blank expression and a little bit of drool on the corner of his mouth. The woman with the magenta dog ears from earlier, let's just say Yuna because it is Yuna and it makes these descriptions so much easier than typing all that stuff, sticks her head out again.

"You jump into the aisle and do the chicken dance!"

The other cast members proceed to laugh as Tidus looks like a light bulb exploded over his head.

"Oh yeah, that's right!" and with that he leaps off of the stage and onto the floor, runs over to the nearest aisle and does the chicken dance.

"NO! You have to sit in the damn Thinking Chair and think, think, think your damn ass off!" Setsuna yells from backstage, flipping a table over as she yells.

"All right, damn, you don't have to yell!" Tidus yells back, just as loud.

Tidus heads back over to the stage and manages after five minutes to scramble his way back onstage. He sits down in the chair, rests both elbows on his knees with his chin resting on his fists, and gets another blank stare.

"Hey, did you guys know that this thinking stuff hurts?"

The cast giggles again. Setsuna slams her head into the nearest wall. Tidus stands up to finish the song.

"When we use our minds, take a step at a time!" he tries to skip but falls over his own two feet and manages to land on his face. He gets up quickly and tries to hide his pain with a smile. "We can do anything-!"

At that point, Kimarhi remembers that he's supposed to jump over Tidus when he crouches, but he remembers too early. He jumps and crashes into Tidus' back, landing on him in the process.

"That we…wanna do…" Tidus struggles to get out, but he still manages to finish the song. "Can't…breathe…"

Kimarhi stands up to his full height, scaring everybody in the audience.

"Kimarhi is sorry he hurt bleached blonde hair boy…"

He then turns and walks to the left offstage. The parents look at each other again, whispers of "Is Blue supposed to talk?" are heard. Tidus stands up and looks in the direction that Kimarhi walked off.

"I'll have you know my hair is naturally this color! Anyway!" He turns and looks at the audience again. "So, uh, did you guys see which way Blue went?"

"That way!" is all the kids scream. They're too excited that the show is really getting underway to point. Besides, on the T.V. show, there is never any pointing from the kids screaming on the show.

"You kids are idiots! There are two ways Blue could've gone, so point damnit!"

At his outburst, Tidus is hit with half of the clipboard that Setsuna broke earlier. He looks nervous, turns in her direction, gulps, and then looks back to the kids.

"I mean, which way did you guys say?"

"That way!" they scream again, this time pointing to the left.

"But that's where…**she** is…" Tidus gulps. "Oh well! Thanks!"

Tidus does his little walk, but this time he walks off stage to the left, following Kimarhi and right into Setsuna's clutches. This creates the first Intermission. The stage goes dark and the curtains are closed. Setsuna is waiting near the table she flipped over, tapping her foot and one of her eyes is twitching. Tidus tries to sneak past her, but has no suck luck. She reaches out and grabs his shirt and pulls him in front of her.

"Tidus, I have had it up to here," she points to the ceiling, "with you! You better stop screwing up! I don't want to be sued; I put a lot of money into this piece of shit! I really had expected better from you!"

Tidus hangs his head in shame, but suddenly forgets why he was hanging his head in the first place and lifts his head up and looks his director in the eye, his eyes sparkling.

"Yes, Ma'am! Hey, maybe I'll do better if you give me a hug for good luck?" he pleads.

Setsuna looks around and sighs. It's hard to stay mad at him, and she knows it. She loves him too much.

"All right, I'll give you one hug if you promise to stop screwing up."

Tidus breaks out into a large smile and wraps Setsuna up into a big bear hug. He gives her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks, Set! I appreciate it!"

Setsuna can only smile at the big goofy grin on his face.

"Okay, Tidus, go ahead and take you're break, but remember, you're on in ten, and you better be back here on time."

"Yes, Ma'am!"

Tidus runs off into his personal dressing room. Setsuna sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Stab me in the eye…put me out of my misery… I gotta get them all in one place because I need to talk to them **all**. Even Tidus again…sorry, Tidus, but it's gotta be done. Plus, I gotta make myself look tough." She smiles evily.

********End of Scene One********

**Author/Setsuna/You get the picture: **Wow, that took longer to rewrite than I thought, but I think I did a really good job! Now, please remember to sit in your seats patiently while I start rewriting the next chapter and potentially think up some new ideas for me to add in! Remember to get some popcorn while you wait!

**Tidus: **What?! Popcorn!! There's popcorn?!!??! WHERE?! **Proceeds to go psycho.**

**Setsuna: **Uh…please also remember to keep it away from Tidus… I really don't need to him to be super psycho in the next chapter, haha. So, here's a bit of what to expect from the next chapter!:

-The first clue is introduced!

-There needs to be a Mailbox! Find out who's playing him!

- Are the parents going to take the kids out of the theater for 'corruption reasons'?

**Tidus: **You kinda gave the whole chapter away, stupid.

**Setsuna: **Well, technically, the chapters are already written, I just gotta make them all look like this. Besides, what if someone gives me a really good idea that makes me want to squeeze it into the next chapter thingy? Also, this chapter is actually two of my old chapters, or 'Scenes' as they were called a long time ago, well, I guess they still kinda are, put together into one because I only typed one at first, and it looked really small, plus I really liked my second scene and wanted to put it up here!

**Tidus: **You're typing a lot, you ok?

**Setsuna: **Not really, I'm super freakin' tired and I typed this from 11 pm to 1 am something while being distracted by [adult swim] and keeping myself up to finish this and I gotta go to work tomorrow.

**Tidus: **If you give me popcorn, I won't keep you up. **Sly grin.**

**Setsuna: **Depends on what you mean by 'keep me up.' **Returns the sly grin.**

**Tidus: **Uhh…this is kinda awkward because…you know what, it's too late…er, early to get into this.

**Setsuna: **Yeah, you're right.

**Please read and review! Seriously, I need confidence!**


	2. Here Come the Clues!

**Author: **Allrighy! Here's chapter two! Sorry it's been a while. I started my other story and I had midterms and a bunch of reading to do for my English classes (that's what you get when you're an English major and take two English classes in one quarter, haha). Uhh…wow, I actually have nothing to say in my opening Author's Note! Holy crap, it's amazing, haha! Oh wait, I got something! Just like the last chapter, this one is two of my "scenes" put into one. Uh…yeah, that's it.

_**Note: I do NOT own Final Fantasy X or the characters. Squeenix does. Also, I do NOT own Blues Clues or any of the characters. I would, however, like to own Tidus and/or Auron if I could, but if I had to own one…it'd totally be Auron.**_

_**^_^**_

_**Blah, blah, blah, you don't care, do you?**_

_**The ONLY ones I own are Setsuna who is the Director, and the stupid pathetic audience who pays the money and comes to see this stupid show in the first place. Don't you feel sorry for the poor saps? ^_^**_

**By the way, this story is rated T for Teen by the SSS Corp. (Setsuna Says So) for excessive swearing by Setsuna, sexual themes, or hints of it, whatever it means, and some violence because Setsuna will be beating the shit out of some people a few times in this story.**

********Scene Two: Here Come the Clues!********

Setsuna gathers up all of the actors backstage during the intermission. She actually had to go hunt down Tidus and drag him over. The cast is standing near the flipped over table. Setsuna is tapping her foot and looking at each member of the cast intently.

"All right," she starts, holding a new not-broken-in-half clipboard and looking at it, "I really need to talk to you guys.

Tidus looks to everybody then turns to Setsuna. He reaches up and scratches his spiky hair.

"'Bout what, Set? You already talked to me."

Setsuna turns her eyes on him, glaring slightly.

"Uh, duh, what do you think, Lunkhead?"

"Chocobos," Tidus grins.

Setsuna's eyebrows narrow and the rest of the cast take a step back. Lulu looks over to Tidus confused.

"Did you honestly say, 'Chocobos?'"

Tidus nods, standing proudly.

"Did I stutter, Lulu?"

"Well, no…"

"So there you-" he starts, but is interrupted by Setsuna grabbing him and covering her hand over his mouth.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!!" she screams.

The cast take another step backwards. Yuna is hiding behind Lulu, with Rikku, not in costume yet, hiding behind her. Kimarhi has started reaching for his spear, but Setsuna pulls a gun out from a hidden holster on her waist that wasn't seen until now (honestly, I don't know, Set always has a gun on her, so just go with it) and points it towards him. He stops reaching. She puts the gun back.

"Thanks. Okay, now, to the point. Tidus, I know I spoke to you earlier, but you're the one causing all the problems thus far. I'm sick of it."

"You are?" he questions, finding a thermometer…uhh…well, I'm sure that the stage would have first aid kits and stuff around, and hands it to her. She doesn't take it, so he just drops it on the floor.

"Yes, Tidus, I'm so sick I'm vomiting everywhere."

"No you're not…I don't see any popcorn chunkage and stuff anywhere…and I know you've been eating it, I went into your dressing room and I saw a ton of empty popcorn cartons, and-"

"Tidus, shut up," Yuna says and hits him in the back of her head with her staff (which how she got it without Setsuna seeing I have no idea).

"Thank you, Yuna, that was very sweet of you," Setsuna nods. "All right, I really don't want to lose any more money on this thing than all that Gil and real money I had to put into this. Do me a huge favor and get this thing right."

All of the cast members nod, except for Wakka. He takes off the Salt Shaker topper and scratches his head.

"How can we do that, ya?"

"Wakka, I'm not even sure the 'ya' even fit in that sentence or not, but that's beside the point. The point in this long ramble of mine is that so far, YOU ALL SUCK!! Can't you guys do anything right!" Setsuna yells and proceeds to rip some of her hair out. Wakka nods.

"I can make my hair stand up," he grins, pointing to it. "That counts, ya?"

A man walks out from the shadows, wearing a long yellow coat that resembles his normal red one. Attached to his sunglasses is a large hat that looks like a shovel, so that makes him…the handle?

"No, because your hair is not right, either."

Setsuna suddenly cracks a grin and claps.

"Thank you, Auron, I agree with you!"

Wakka hangs his head.

"Darnit, ya?"

"Okay, once again, I'm almost definitely sure that 'ya' didn't fit. So, in that case, please shut up."

Wakka nods and takes a step behind Lulu.

"Thank you! Now that we got that settled, I can move on to the biggest matter at hand." Setsuna turns to Tidus again, reaching out and grabbing onto his collar. "Tidus, you need to MEMORIZE your SCRIPT!!"

"I thought I already memorized it?" he says, trying to release Setsuna's death-grip on his shirt. "You helped me rehearse!"

"In your own little world you did," Lulu scoffs.

Tidus gets a blank look on his face, obviously thinking. Suddenly, he breaks out in a grin.

"I have my own little world?! Awesome!"

Setsuna let's go of Tidus's shirt, smacks herself on the forehead with one of her hands, and smacks Tidus in the cheek with the other.

"I'm serious, if you don't memorize your script-" she starts, and Tidus opens his mouth to interject but Setsuna's glare stops him, "AGAIN," she emphasizes, "by the time we get to the next state, I'm going to go psycho and eat out your brains like a rabid zombie. And no Phoenix Down or the spell Life is going to stop me."

All the cast members, including Auron, look freaked out. By the looks on their faces, they're probably getting a mental image of Setsuna actually doing that. Tidus gulps nods, slowly stepping away from Setsuna. She smiles and breathes a sigh of relief.

"Okay, so I want to thank you all for your time. Now…GET THE HELL BACK OUT ON THE STAGE AND DO THIS DAMN THING RIGHT!!"

With a jump, they all nod and make a run for it to get away from their scary director, but they all happen to be going in different directions and end up slamming into each other. After they figure out where they're going, they each run off. Setsuna sighs, finally picking up the table and placing the clipboard on it.

"This better be worth my spare time…there's so much more stuff I could be doing than trying to make this piece of shit work…"

About a minute later, the curtains open and the stage is lit once again. Tidus does that walk onto the stage from the right so he's walking to the left like he was before the intermission and continues it with the background moving behind him. It shows him walking through the house, to the kitchen and near a door. The kids are bouncing around in their seats like they're all hyped up on sugar and stuff, and it's probably true, y'know, can you imagine the candy they would have at those things? It's awesome to think about! Anyways, Tidus stops near the door and looks out into the audience.

"Hey, I can see our good friends Shovel and Pail outside! Who wants to go say hi?"

The kids all cheer. Tidus reaches out and opens the door, which falls off of its hinges, and walks outside, the background changing once again to the scene of a backyard. The ninja-hands bring a large sandbox onto the stage. Auron walks out in his Shovel costume. A young girl bounces onto the stage, dressed in a large round red costume with a red handle going from each side, like a pail, duh, 'cause she's playing Pail. Her hair is dyed red instead of being its usual blonde (I hope you all guess this was Rikku, haha). Auron heaves a sigh and tries not to look at the audience. Rikku smiles and waves at all the kids. She turns to Tidus and bounces right up to him.

"Hi, Joe, whaddya know!" she squeals.

Tidus steps back, bumping to the doorframe. Auron sighs again and looks to Tidus.

"Don't mind Pail, Joe," sigh. "We're playing a rhyme game."

Backstage, Setsuna smiles proudly.

"At least someone who didn't even want to participate learned his lines."

Back on stage, Rikku is sitting in the sandbox, playing in the sand, trying to scoop it up with her costume so it goes into her 'pail.'

"Hey, hey, hey, I wanna play the game, too!" Tidus whines.

"Okay, Joe, all you have to do is think of a rhyme! It's fun!" Rikku squeals again, sitting up from her attempt at scooping sand and flinging some all over the stage and into Tidus's eyes. He screams and frantically ties to rub the sand out, but that only makes it worse. He starts running in circles and one of the ninja-hands runs out, grabs him, and pours a bucket of water into his eyes, flushing the sand out. In a flash, the ninja-hand leaves and Tidus is left shaking his head and flinging the water everywhere, and then stands up straight. The parents are looking at each other. A few have already grabbed their children and left the theater. Tidus regains his composure, but looks confused.

"Uhh…hey, Ri-, uh, Pail, can you repeat what you just said? WITHOUT the sand flinging!"

"Eh heh…sorry, Joe. Anyways, all you have to do is think of a rhyme, y'know!"

Tidus scratches his chin then snaps his fingers.

"I'm a poet, and I didn't even know it!"

Auron shakes his head and rests his hand on his forehead.

"That was lame, Joe…think of a…" shudders, "_cooler_…one."

Tidus scratches his chin again, lost in thought. He turns to the audience and starts to say something, but Lulu suddenly runs across the stage and shoves Tidus off of it. He lands in a heap on the floor. Lulu just smiles and walks backstage, whistling innocently. The kids gasp. Some start crying, thinking Joe got seriously hurt. The parents shake their heads, thinking that considering how this thing's been going so far, there's no way the guy playing Joe was hurt. Sure enough, Tidus pushes himself up and scrambles back onstage. Backstage, Setsuna is glaring at Lulu, who is just sitting in a chair at the table with a smirk on her face. Onstage, Tidus sighs, forgetting what he was going to say to the audience, so he turns to Auron and Rikku.

"So, uh, either of you guys got any ideas for Magenta's birthday party?"

"Not yet, but we're thinking of ideas," Auron says, shaking his head.

Rikku jumps up from the sandbox and starts running around circles.

"It's going to be lots of fun! We're going to have a big cake, with lots of sugar and caffeine in it because it's going to be a chocolate cake, and we're all going to get hyper, and have lots of fun, and-!!!"

Rikku runs into the doorframe and falls to the ground. She continues rambling on incoherently. Auron sighs for the umpteenth time.

"Rikku has gotten into the sugar bowl again I see…"

Tidus stares at Rikku and then to the ninja-hands who are sneaking onstage to drag Rikku off.

"Uhh…yeah, that's great, bye!"

Tidus runs to the right just as Auron walks off to the left and the ninja-hands drag Rikku offstage after him. As he's running the background changes back to the kitchen scene and a table is placed on stage. Not paying attention, Tidus runs into the table and lands on the floor. The kids suddenly start jumping up and down and pointing.

"A CLUE!"

Tidus lifts his head up and looks around then to his shoes.

"Huh? There's something on my shoe? I don't see anything."

"A CLUE!"

"Wait, what?! You guys want me to sniff glue?! You naughty kids!"

Everything goes silent as a sound like Setsuna slammed something onto the table backstage really hard and broke it in half is heard. Tidus gets to his feet and scratches his head.

"Okay, so uh…what did you say?"

"A CLUE, DAMNIT!" the parents scream.

Tidus blushes, and a gets a look like 'oh, duh,' on his face. He looks to the table to see a large cookbook sitting there with a large cardboard blue paw print taped to it. Tidus picks it up and shows it to the audience. The paw print is taped to a picture of a large six-tier cake. He suddenly grabs the picture of the cake, rips it out of the book, drops it on the ground, and shoves the picture of the cake into his mouth and swallows. Setsuna's jaw drops.

"He just…ate a clue…he's so FIRED!"

"Wow, that was some nasty cake. It didn't satisfy my hunger at all. Huh…" Tidus says, pulling out a small notebook from his back pocket. "Okay, time to draw it in the Handy-Dandy Notebook… which magically appeared in my pocket because I forgot to take it from Side-table Drawer…but that part wasn't in the script. Uhh…Oh well!"

He takes the green crayon attached to the notebook and draws a picture of the cake. He shows it to the audience, and a large monitor at the top of the stage turns on and focuses on the notebook, showing the audience a cake, with no straight lines, and leaning towards the left. The kids don't care, it's a picture drawn by Joe. They cheer.

"Hmm…" Tidus muses. "What could Blue do with a cake for Magenta's birthday?"

The theater suddenly goes quiet.

"Oh well! There's still two more clues to find!"

At the end of Tidus's sentence, the Mail Time song comes over the speakers. The kids start dancing to it. Tidus smiles and starts "walking" towards the living room, which the ninja-hands set up. After the song ends, a man with a bald head painted purple walks out, and he's wearing a large purple box and there's a red flag stuck to his nose. Tidus starts snickering.

"Hahaha, Cid, you look hilarious…! I mean, hiya, Mailbox."

Cid growls and thrusts a large yellow letter at Tidus.

"Shut up, my damn niece made me wear this."

Setsuna laughs backstage.

"You look good in it, Uncle Cid!"

"Shut the hell up, Setsuna. Here, take the letter, Joe."

"What's the letter about?" Tidus asks as he takes it.

"Some stupid kids about making some stupid piñata for a stupid birthday party."

Tidus looks at the letter.

"I don't care about a piñata."

Cid shrugs and takes the letter back.

"That's fine. I'll just take the letter back. Damn kids forgot to put a stamp on it anyway.

Cid walks off. The parents seem really pissed about Mailbox using bad words. Tidus thinks for a second and turns to the audience.

"Hey, how about we head into the bedroom! I'm sure we can find some clues there!"

The kids cheer. Tidus walks to the right and the background changes into the purple bedroom scene. A large bed is pushed onto the stage. Tidus takes a look at the walls and grimaces.

"What man has a purple bedroom?"

"A CLUE, JOE!"

"Huh? Seriously, guys, I am not sniffing glue."

"For Yevon's sake, Tidus, they said, 'Clue,' damnit!" Setsuna hisses.

"Okay, okay, geez, sorry!"

Tidus walks over to the bed and looks on it.

"Is this where the clue is?"

"You bet, Joe!" the kids scream.

"Huh, I wonder where it……..WHAT THE HELL?!"

Tidus steps backwards, apparently having found something that freaked him out.

"Wakka, Lulu, were you guys making Paprika here?"

The whole backstage erupts in giggles. A few more parents are seen leaving the theater. Setsuna growls and throws her headset on the floor and stomps on it a few times.

"Damnit, I KNEW I heard something disturbing!"

Meanwhile, Tidus has apparently found what he was looking for. He carefully picks up a CD case.

"Looks like Blue wants to play some music or something at the birthday party. Huh, I wonder if you can eat this…"

Tidus takes the CD case and tries to shove it in his mouth. Somehow, he manages to fit the whole case in his mouth and swallows it. Everyone is silent as they try to figure out some form of logic to explain how Tidus managed to swallow a CD case.

"How…he did it again…" Setsuna says, trying to figure out the logic herself.

"Yummy!" Tidus laughs as he draws a CD case in the Handy-Dandy Notebook.

********End of Scene Two********

**Setsuna: **Wow, I typed all that in one sitting! I am proud of myself!

**Tidus: **You still have a lot to do.

**Setsuna: **I mean I typed up this whole chapter in one sitting, dumbass. Here's what's going on in the next chapter!

--Well, we found out the first two clues. So, where is this sad story going?

-Aren't the parents getting a little edgy?

-What will happen to Rikku?

-Will Setsuna (me!) ever get Tidus to cooperate?

**Tidus: **No one cares what's going to happen next, Set, they'll figure it out when they read the next chapter.

**Setsuna: **You know, I was going to be nice and give you popcorn this time, but now, I don't think you deserve it.

**Tidus: **What?! That's mean!

**Setsuna: **I care? Anyways, thanks to those of you who reviewed/and or set this story on Alert, or however you put it, haha. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Tidus: **Don't read this, please, it gives her meaning to torture me.

**Setsuna: **That's why they _want_ to read this. **Evil grin**

**Tidus: **o_O Remind me why I'm here?

**Setsuna: **I could go into it, but I'd just confuse everybody.

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


End file.
